Coming of Age: Final

I just want people to hear my story and understand me because I’m not an open book; I’m far from it. I’m a book that’s locked and the keys are thrown into a deep ocean and only the people that would take their time to find the keys are the ones that will truly understand me. I am the perfect definition of an introvert, but I take pride in that. If someone had told me that I had those qualities when I was younger, I would be highly offended because I had insecurities of how I acted around people and the surface of my body was a crucial to be like how other are. I envied individuals that were outgoing, risk-takers, ones with plentiful of friends, and most importantly, individuals that have a lock-tight relationship with their family. Throughout my youth, I went through mud and dirt to realize that I’m not that bad, that I’m actually a lovely person. I have flaws here and there but that doesn’t define my overall existence. Being an introvert does not make me a freak, that it’s okay I carry those traits. I am a quiet girl when put into a room full of strangers, I am a girl that enjoys understanding every little detail, but most importantly, I am a girl that’s named Kaye Anne.

            From the beginning, I was never the girl that’s been confident and adoring of the spotlight; I was the complete opposite. As young as three years old, I already knew my surrounding and was very uncomfortable when I sensed an irregular setting, and when I was taken away from my mother’s arms, I would bawl my eyes out. I had trouble adjusting to my environments; change was a terrifying thing for me. Being younger, I did not really understand why I was the way I am. I would get bored of a place real easily, but when I travel to other places, I would get homesick and immediately want to go back where I came from. I was originally born in the Philippines, and was surrounded by a loving family, but when I was five, I had to join my parents into moving in Hawaii. I was a terrified five year old facing her worst nightmare, going through a drastic change, adapting to a new scene, new peers, and new customs. Ever since my feet landed in Hawaii, my heart always felt heavy because I was away from home.

            Eventually, I adjusted to Hawaii, but that does not stop the on-going problematic issues along the year. I still struggled with my emotional state. I was young and naïve, and could never understand my actions. I just graduated elementary and transitioning into intermediate school. I am a worrier, I cannot keep hold of my nervousness when there is something big I have to tackle, at this moment, I had to go through the first day of middle school. The only friend I knew that was attending that middle school moved away last minute, leaving me all by myself on the first day. I felt so small, and extremely lost but then I saw this girl that had the same expression as I did, frightened and confused. That girl, I knew from elementary but we never really gave each other a chance; her name was Angel. Seeing that I knew nobody else, I charged towards her and walked with her throughout the day. She seemed relieved and smiled, so that assured me to know that I was not a bother towards her.  Seventh grade was terrific; I made new sets of friends and maintained good grades. But, all took a turn when I entered eighth grade. I was starting to loose connections with several of my friends, but the person that stayed with me was the girl that I gravitated towards on the first day of middle school, yep that’s right, Angel. I was very thankful for her presence but that did not take away troublesome experience I had in my last year of middle school. During that time, I was so focused into having strong relationships with my friends that I set aside my education, which caused my grades to tumble down the drain. Those friends were not the greatest people, but I was so terrified of being alone that I did everything I can to make those friendships last for as long as I could. I eventually graduated middle school, with disappointing grades but I still had my “friends” by my side. All is well, right? Wrong!

            The work ethic I had in eighth grade carried onto the four most important years of my life. High School. The night before high school, I created a group chat with the people I considered friends and planned out where we’re going to meet, where we’re going to hang out, and what outfits we’re going to wear. But not once did we worry about what classes we’re going to take, what’s our strategy for having a successful freshmen year, and so on. That’s the first mistake I made with choosing those horrendous people for a friend. Later on through freshmen year, I received the news of Angel moving away to a new state in a month. I was distraught because she was the only genuine friend I knew. And to add onto my problems, I carried horrible grades because I was focused onto people that will not help me in the future and forgot what school was all about, learning and getting an education. It took me four school quarters to realize that I need to detach those people from my life because they are the current poison that’s preventing me from becoming the best person I could potentially be. Looking back, I feel very relieved to the decisions I’ve made because it took me out of the dark hole I was stuck in.

            After going through numerous stormy situations, I finally got to understand who I really am and what I stand for. It molded me into a better person and strengthen my mental stability. There were times before, where I would question myself and wonder, why I was immensely insecure about my personality and looks but the events that occurred from the past two years made me embrace those flaws. I take a big comfort into knowing that I have self-assurance towards the inside and outside of my body. I am Kaye Anne Labtingao, the girl that's finally content with her life.